Fear is not the problem...
Updated: Apr 11, 2020
During the past four years of studying I collected a few books that I told myself I would read once I had finished. Ones that would help me with specific clients and a lot that would help me in my own development. I had been toying with the idea of setting up private practice for the last two years but due to other commitments it had not been possible until this summer. I got this book earlier this year and I told myself "I'll read that when I decide to set up practice". Well the time came in July and I picked up the book and put it in my bag with the intention to read it during lunch breaks. Did I? No. I read half a chapter and then carried it around for weeks. Earlier this week I tried to find the book and I couldn't find it anywhere. I finally found it last night hidden 'somewhere sensible' under a pile of stuff. I took a moment to reflect on this. Could I not find it just because life has been a bit busy recently and my organisation had been a bit off. Or was I unconsciously avoiding something? I feel like its a bit of both.
This evening I picked the book back up and read chapter 3. It starts with:
"If everyone feels fear when approaching something totally new in life, yet so many are out there "doing it" despite the fear, then we must conclude that fear is not the problem."
This baffled me at first, it feels like a lot of what holds me back with trying something new and unknown is anxiety and fear. Especially fear of failure. The chapter explains that it is not the fear itself that is the problem but rather 'how we hold it'. If we allow the fear to completely paralyse us then it takes over and we can't move past it. Shifting your perspective from a position of pain to a position of power makes the fear irrelevant. Each chapter gives you actions and tips to try and shift your thinking. This one advises you to think before each action "is this taking me to a more powerful place?". It can be strange to think about power as it sometimes can be misunderstood as control. We need to think about power in terms of our own self belief, our value for ourselves, our love for and from others. Rephrasing things that don't go to plan from negatives into positives e.g. areas to learn and grow takes back the power and reduces the fear.
I'm glad I found this book again & I'm sure I'll share more of it in the future. I encourage you to think about the way you phrase things, are they from a position of fear? If so, try rephrasing it and see what happens!